Thursday, April 26, 2007

guano is the new black

dear web journal,

the stress, at least to the degree it was, seems to have lifted. plans have been ironed out and i will visit my friend, who recently lost his mother, in july for some much needed face-to-face quality time. there’s no resolution to the work scandal, but i will say my attitude towards the person in question has changed since i’ve learned more details. i hate being played the fool, but ultimately, i suppose i would rather that than to start out not trusting someone. and there are no changes on the grandparent-wedding issue. but i haven’t written or communicated anything to them either. i will; i just want to make sure i do it with the best frame of mind.

in other (more uplifting) news, an old college friend of mine recently swept jeopardy! with four wins in a row. and wedding plans seem to be coming together and i have reached my minimum weight goal. i’d like to see that go a bit further, however.

whenever i get in better spirits, i get excited about making plans/goals for myself. as a credible threat to commit myself to these, i’m going to document three here:

-wear more color: i know this sounds like a goofy goal, but i wear entirely too much black. it’s less because i am trying to channel my inner tormented teen goth and more because i thought it could go with everything. before i knew it, black was everything in my closet. with karl’s complaints, i finally realized that i too am tired of how drab it looks. so, brown is working its way into my wardrobe and other earthy colors are on the way.

-go spelunking: and i don’t mean wandering down a paved path looking at sharp stalactites. i mean crawling through bat poo, dodging cave spiders. i mean this. i hope to battle any creepy-crawly, roof-caving-in fears and squeeze my butt through these beautiful, earth cracks. arkansas has too many of these for me to miss out on while i’m here. i just need a partner in grime. any takers?

-save up for my next international vacation: we’re doing st. lucia for the honeymoon and i’m already anxious about the next stamp in my passport. i’m also interested in honing my poor spanish skills too, so i found this organization that combines travel, experience, volunteerism, and language immersion. and the best part about it is i can schedule as much or as little time as i need for it. i’m leaning towards guatemala, but we’ll see if karl is interested in joining me and if he has another choice. it’s probably important to see if your husband is interested in joining you on your vacation, right? one month away until matrimonial bliss!

artwork featured: manatee cove, by souther salazar

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

blame it on the week

dear web journal,

if you can place blame on a week for being terrible, last week was terrible.

my closest friend’s mom passed away from cancer last weekend and her funeral was saturday. i couldn’t be there and i could only provide distanced support. i can’t stop thinking about how truly sad it is that she’s gone and i feel terrible that i am not physically there for my friend. my mom is giving me some of her flyer miles so i can get out there in the coming weeks when my work events come to a close. but i feel anxious with the separation. i don’t know if that is for him or for me, anymore. his mom was totally charming and always welcomed me with the biggest smiles (even on the occasions that she clearly did not expect my arrival and had to quickly throw on her top after sunbathing nude, ha!). she had even been the special-ed aid to my brother, while he was in middle school. it is crushing because i care deeply about my friend, but it’s more than that too.

to add to that helpless feeling, my friend at work (sole-provider of her college student husband and two-year-old child) was accused of university theft on monday and was subsequently fired. she appears to have been a victim of identity theft and has slowly worked over this past week to clear her name. the atmosphere in the office was heavy all last week and still this week.

i also learned that none of my grandparents are coming to my wedding. my dad’s parents aren’t because they’ve been fighting for the last few years over some things that were said: over inheritance, over misunderstandings, over money. it’s all really ridiculous at this point that neither side will speak to each other. and my grandpa admitted flatly that he wouldn’t come because he didn’t want to see my dad. i don’t think i’ve ever been angry with my grandpa for anything before. but i am now. and it isn’t just because they’re not coming to my wedding. that’s important to me, but the quality of my relationships with them and even my father has been spoiled to too large a degree because of this. most of our interactions with each other are consumed with them trying to fight through me (as some kind of unwitting intermediary) hoping that i’ll relay to the other what they can’t communicate themselves. i’m simply tired of it. i’ve given myself some time to meditate over it, calm down, and really think about why i feel the way i do. i plan on writing them and letting them know. i’ll see i suppose.

anyway, i hope better things for this week. work is busy lately; so, i’ll delve into that.

artwork featured: dear florence, by art and ghosts

Monday, April 2, 2007

"the whole system is REALLY unfair"

dear web journal,

if you know me already, you know the topic of immigration is one dear to my heart. so, you may imagine the kind of joy i got out of the video below.

Immigration: The Human Cost